Perfection. To perfect your ride, to perfect your life. To me perfection will never be attained unless I go all out 100% in what I am doing. And unless I keep trying to get better at what I am doing.
Actually, no one is or will ever be perfect, because perfection doesn’t exist. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t always strive for it. Life is what it is, and it’s up to all of us to keep going and do the best we can. We all make mistakes, and some choose to learn from them. I, and others like me, keep making them — or did make them.
At one time in my life, I felt that no matter how hard I tried nothing seemed to work. I developed a “fuck it” attitude and didn’t care about anything or anyone. I just was not coming in on the the same planet as everyone else. I wanted to jump and call it quits because I couldn’t reach what I wanted.
Not to Shout at the Devil (thank you Crue for coming in my brain), but in the beginning I was so gung ho to catch others in their rides — to be like them, to ride like them. But I was not them. I struggled so much and wanted to just say fuck it after every ride I took.
Strava really didn’t help me; it just added fuel to the fire that was already inside me and made me really hate myself. I felt unworthy of riding with others. I complained, moaned, groaned, and bitched like a child.
I knew that if I wanted to reach the level I wanted to get to something had to change — and perfection was not it. I have a friend, Todd Hudson, who is not only a great rider but an incredible father and husband and an all around great human being. He told me, “Damn, just enjoy your ride.” I never really took it too seriously, but now I do. I may never reach perfection — no, I won’t ever reach perfection. But at least I can now enjoy my rides, knowing that I am giving it my all. Before it was go all in or give nothing at all. Now it is about living the rest of my life doing what I love to do and that is riding.
Speaking of living, I am not really too tight with my family, and that kinda sucks. They got tired of reading my Facebook posts every time I put one up, because I was a Negative Nancy and they didn’t want to read that. They were worried about me for the longest time, and they reached out to me in their own way, but I was in another place mentally.
It’s sad to say I don’t feel like family anymore — but I am to all of you. I lost my father a few months ago and it tore me apart. I did not show it cause I kinda keep things to myself. I always wonder now if my family reads any of my RAMFB posts. I wish they would, so that they can see I am not the same person they knew. I still am who I am, but I am now a more positive and happy version of me. And that is because of the bicycle.
Life goes around like a wheel, and you just have got to keep rolling forward with it. No regrets. What ever happened happened and it’s a part of my past. All I can do is accept my mistakes and failures, learn from them, and choose to live differently because of them. I have to take this life just like you do — one day at a time.
So, to me perfection is to live the best life I can and do good for others and watch them achieve their goals — hoping that I may have helped in some small way. So be your own perfection, whatever that looks like. Today, ride anywhere and everywhere that inspires you. Whether it’s mountains, trails, or roads doesn’t matter. The only thing that does matter is that you get on your bike, do your best, and RAMFB.
Have a great weekend and this post is dedicated to my daughters, Caroline and Ashleigh, and my son, Nole. Love you guys.